Meeting Your True Self from Within

A Soulful Journey Through Internal Family Systems

We all carry many “selves” within us—parts that try to protect us, parts that hold pain, and even parts that get in the way. But beneath all these voices lies something deeper: your Self. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), the Self isn’t just another part—it’s your inner essence. Calm, curious, compassionate, and wise.

Connecting with this core Self can feel like coming home. It’s not about “fixing” yourself, but about forming a loving relationship with your inner system, learning to listen, and allowing your Self to lead with gentleness and presence. Many of my clients over the years have asked me how to access their Self, and while there are some tried and true pathways to Self-energy, this is also a deeply personal journey. For me, one way I can begin to feel my Self-energy is when I slow down, notice my breath, and speak lovingly to myself with a hand on my heart.

Understanding the IFS Lens

Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS teaches us that we are a constellation of parts—each one doing its best to protect us, even when it doesn’t look that way. These parts generally fall into three categories:

• **Managers** – Handle daily life, try to control or prevent pain (think perfectionism, planning, overthinking).
• **Exiles** – Hold unresolved trauma or emotional wounds (often carry shame, grief, or fear).
• **Firefighters** – React impulsively to soothe or distract from pain (like bingeing, numbing, lashing out).

And then there's the Self—not a part, but the centered, grounded inner leader that can listen to all parts without judgment. Note: While Dr. Schwartz developed a modern and widely used therapeutic modality with IFS, these concepts align with and reflect ancient knowledge across many cultures, spiritualities, and narratives.

Signs Your Self is “Online”

When we are in Self-energy, we feel:

• Calm, even in chaos
• Curiosity, even toward the parts we used to judge
• Compassion, especially for the hurting voices within
• Courage, to sit with what we've long avoided
• Clarity, not from logic, but from knowing
• Creativity, alive and flowing
• Connection, to all things sacred
• Confidence, soft and unshakable

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or judgmental, chances are a part has taken the wheel. That’s okay—it means they need your attention and care. When our parts are calling for our attention, we build trust with them by hearing them out, and offering compassion and understanding. Below are a few journal prompts to help begin this exploration.

Journaling Prompts: Befriending Your Parts

These prompts are designed to help you gently shift into Self-energy and get to know your inner world with curiosity:

1. **“What am I feeling right now, and where do I feel it in my body?”**(Gently notice any sensations or emotional tones. Let them speak.)
2. **“Is there a part of me that’s trying to protect me right now?”**(Give it a voice. What does it need you to know?)
3. “**Can I sense any parts that feel scared, hurt, or stuck?”**(Approach with compassion. You don’t need to fix, just listen.)
4. **“What does my Self feel like in this moment?”**(Describe it using sensations, images, or metaphors.)
5. **“What would it be like to lead my day from Self-energy?”**(Explore how things might shift if your calm, compassionate Self was in charge.)

Gentle Practices for Self-Connection

If journaling isn’t quite your thing, here are a few additional, more experiential, practices to support your IFS journey:

🕊️ Soft-Seat Meditation Find a quiet space.

Place one hand on your heart, the other on your belly. Whisper: I am here. I am listening. All of you is welcome. Let a part step forward. Let the response come without forcing it. Stay in Self-energy by being curious and kind as you connect with it.

🌿 Parts Mapping

Draw the landscape of your parts, your inner world. Include their names, roles, and emotions. Give your parts colors, shapes, symbols. Not to analyze, but to honor. Notice how your relationship with them shifts over time.

🖼️ Create a Self Portrait

Not of your physical appearance, but of your Self. Use color, texture, or collage to express your calmness, compassion, and strength.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to fix or overpower your inner parts. They’re not enemies—they’re protectors, messengers, and survivors. With practice, you can learn to listen to them without being overwhelmed by them. And in doing so, you reconnect with the wholeness you’ve always had within you